Insomnia

I have not slept in days

Days run from me on marathon dreams against asphalt scented headboards

If I move a fraction to the left, you can feel the curvature of my spine etched into these iron bars,

If I move a mile to the right, you can see these iron bars welded to my spine

I stand up every so often to straighten out curves in unwanted places –

Maybe this is why I don’t sleep.

In my dreams there is a girl with a face that looks like mine with a body that looks like hers

In my dreams I know damn well it’s oil and water and no science experiments could make that body mine

Maybe that’s why I don’t sleep, so I’m not disappointed in what I wake up to

I don’t sleep because you’ll never see me swim (not just because I can’t, but because I won’t fit the attire)

Maybe I don’t sleep because you won’t see me grace a magazine cover because I don’t fit the qualifications

But me people tell me I do:

“You look fine”

“What’re you talking about”

“You look great”

Well thank-you; that’s sweet

But I don’t remember your mouth syncing with what my eyes are seeing

Maybe that’s why I don’t sleep

Or maybe it’s because I nap all day

Or because I make impulsive purchases at 2 am because I crave hot chips

Or my phone is blowing up and I’m waiting.

Maybe I don’t sleep because I’m sticking it to the man – the patriarchy and the government, both have to go

But either way – I have not slept in days

Days run from me on marathon dreams against asphalt scented headboards

I can neither move to the left nor jump to the right

 

I have not slept in days.

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